Zip it

I spent my day off yesterday running around town with my very pregnant sister and my 4 year old nephew. The date was much needed because I hadn't seen her since my birthday and because the next time I do, she'll probably be in the hospital.  I want her to know I can have a relationship with her outside of being Auntie to her sons.  

While we were talking she shared with me that she'd had a pretty rough weekend while she was out. Apparently people have diarrhea of the mouth around pregnant woman and this was definitely the weekend for it.  In one day the following happened:
  1. One stranger, after having a perfectly civil conversation about my sister's impending due date, walked away and loudly asked for the second time if she was sure she wasn't pregnant with twins due to her size.  
  2. A couple of young girls ran up to her asking if she was due soon and when.  When my sister responded one said to the other "see I told you" and they abruptly walked away as if one had just won a bet.
  3. Just a few minutes later, another woman remarked that she looked like she was pretty far along to which my sister agreed and kept walking.  She then proceeded to grab her belongings and follow my sister to ask more questions while mentioning that she couldn't have kids.  My sister feeling bad considering my IF struggles, started to engage the woman in conversation.  She asked if she'd considered other options (the woman opened the door to questioning) and her response was "oh no, they just don't fit into my plan".  WHAT!!!  If you're reading this and kids do not fit into your plans, seriously consider your wording when mentioning this to people.  Even I wouldn't use that terminology unless I knew for a fact it wasn't possible.  Seriously this one just pisses me the heck off.
  4. To end the day, she passed a woman who mouthed and gestured to a friend that my sister was fat.  Not big.  Not pregnant.  FAT!  Can I please say my sister is anything but fat.  She has worked so hard and looks damn good.  Looking at her yesterday and she looks like she smuggled a watermelon out of the grocery store.  My sister caught the woman's eye and when she realized she'd been caught my sister asked "really?"  and the lady just shrugged and kept walking. 
  5. Here's the kicker, she vented about her day on her personal FB page.  An acquaintance read it and responded with the classic you should just be happy you're pregnant, I would do anything to be in your shoes right now.  This person by the way is single and by her own account just hasn't found the right person to have kids with.  This is where "it's your own experience" comes in. 

My sister is sometimes overly gracious, to a fault.  I agree that some of these are well intentioned comments that the best of us make to pregnant women trying to make conversation.  But she'd obviously had a rough afternoon and some of these were just plain bitchy.  Had I been there, I probably would have said some very mean things in return. Unlike her I don't hold my tongue very easily.  I guess it's a good thing I wasn't around because today, I got curious what other random comments are made to pregnant women.  

I admit I rolled my eyes a couple of times at what people thought was inappropriate on one message board . God forbid someone comments on how big a pregnant woman gets.  I get it, I really do.  But you and I both know that 9 times out of 10, the person saying it does not mean you look fat or any variation of that. Honestly if you did, most people probably wouldn't comment at all.  Then a handful of posters said they hated when people mentioned how much they'd "popped".  Wh--?  Ho-?  Really, is that rude?  You do realize you have a child in there right?  Wouldn't it concern you that the baby isn't growing if you hadn't "popped"?  This annoyance really has nothing to do with your general size.  One woman even complained that someone said "you don't look that far along".  So wait, you don't want anyone to mention you being large, normal OR small?  Sure you're not public property to be gawked at, but just chill for a moment.  Before you throw that person the finger, you should also be thinking about what you're about to say.  

If I get pregnant, I'm quite certain a lot of remarks like this will bug me too.  I may even blog about it then. But just like hearing IF comments, you have to try to think of the intention behind it.  Sure I get annoyed that my husbands family says "you just need to relax" but I also know it's a way to sound understanding and their comments are completely harmless.  It's a good lesson for all of us to think before we speak.


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