7 weeks is a long time to stay silent.  It also makes for plenty of material to blog about.  But isn't that just like me, to be a ghost for months and come back with 10 different topics.  I'm sorry but it's been awhile since I've had a chance to come back here.

To start, April 24th is the beginning of National Infertility Awareness Week according to Resolve.org.   Last year was the year I finally decided to reveal a little bit about our struggle on social media.  The outpouring of love and support was mind blowing.  Two months later, we were pregnant with our little Bean.  When you bring a little one home after sharing your struggles with infertility you tend to get a lot of mixed comments and questions.  One that is surprisingly naive is the fact that since we've gotten pregnant once, it will be much easier to get pregnant again.  People seem to think we're going to be the Duggard's now that the seal has been broken.  It's quite frustrating.

I'm in love with my beautiful daughter and can't imagine my life without her.  The struggle to conceive her was absolutely heartbreaking and real but I'm also of the mindset I wouldn't have it any other way.  But the reality is, should we decide to grow our family further, no one can predict the ease or difficulty of which we will have to deal with infertility again.  We may have overcome it this time by having once successful pregnancy, but there's no way of knowing if that will happen again.

So I'm trying to find a way to put that into words for NIAW.  Infertility was and always will be the road to have our baby girl and to pretend it wasn't is living a lie.  Not just for us but for every other man and woman struggling to build their family I feel NIAW will always be a way to shed awareness on the topic which is so near to my heart.

Now that our little Bean has arrived, I've done a lot to try to stay in tune with what my body is telling me. Getting sleep when it's needed, drinking plenty of water and just generally making sure to also take care of myself. One thing I never expected to happen go through is Post Partum Anxiety (PPA).

Night after night I'm stuck in my head fighting to go to sleep, pushing back horrible thoughts of accidents and dying. I'd known to pay attention to signs of PPD given my history but never even heard of PPA. 

This weekend I decided I couldn't deny something was wrong any longer. With the encouragement of DH I finally went to see my doctor today. I'm hoping with a combination of herbal supplements she recommended and seeing a therapist I can start to feel somewhat normal again. Time will tell but in the interim you might see me around these parts a little bit more channeling some of my anxiety through blogging.