Cali nights

Last night Babe and I went for a walk around the neighborhood.  We've had such strange weather jumping from mid 40's to 90's in a matter of days.  But last night it was a nice 70° which was perfect strolling weather.  Since my blog has given me a lot to think about lately, I thought I'd pick his brain.  

He told me that although he'd like to have a baby, he doesn't feel rushed right now.  That if anyone ever felt that way it wouldn't be good for them.  He agreed that it feels like we're not doing something right if everyone around us was pregnant.  He pointed out people who were on BC when they conceived, someone who is having his baby mama's 4th kid and is on welfare, the guy who got his f-buddy pregnant without even trying and a couple people who conceived after only one month of trying.  He said he was happy with his life right now and that he's enjoying things that he knows his brother can't right now.  

I'm glad he's so secure right now.  It takes the pressure off knowing that he's in no rush.  It also makes me feel as though I'm doing something right by not weighing him down with some of my insecurities.  He asked how I felt and I said that although I agree with him that needing a baby probably doesn't put you in a good place, I can see that happening to me if we continue down this path.  Most days I'm fine and nothing really bothers me.  Then there are days that get so dark but I try not to dwell on them.  I shared with him that I feel the need to talk to people about it but that most people have backed off because of their comfort level but that I'm finding ways like blogging, etc.  He tends to think that a true friend would probably be asking how things are going constantly.  Although I would like to think that, I wouldn't discount any of my friends as not being true friends.  Having gone through this I would hope that I'd be that person to ask and reach out.  But not everyone is the same.  People get busy with their lives and I'm sure my IF is the last thing on their mind.  Plus people generally don't know how to bring the subject up.  Apparently though he feels I need to put myself out there more, especially with my girlfriends.  I don't agree.  

Either way, I feel like it gave us a chance to talk about what each of us wants and needs during this time.  I'm truly blessed to have him as my rock.  


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