Friday night brought with it a little bit of extra hope. Since leaving my old Primary Care Physician I've done everything within my power to research up the wazoo. I changed groups/practices, picked an OB/Gyn, requested medical records for Babe and myself, and requested the billing codes that are associated with infertility from the insurance company. Well in Friday's mail was a 30 page document from Cigna explaining what is covered and what is not with my insurance. Sure enough all of the initial testing I want to have done is all covered by insurance. There are no words to describe the relief I felt at that moment. Something so insignificant to most people seriously just gave us both a little more hope.
Every year we're busy almost every weekend from Thanksgiving until about June, with only a little lull in April. This weekend was no exception. Saturday night was a surprise 40th anniversary celebration of N's parents and Sunday of course was Super Bowl. The anniversary was your run of the mill family gathering just catching up with extended family that we don't always see. When N and her husband arrived I could tell something was different. My suspicions were confirmed when N's husband finished his speech by saying that he and N would be having a baby of their own soon. :::Insert jaw drop:::. I knew it! N, who had suffered from PCOS and began trying to conceive shortly after us, was just about to see a fertility specialist when her HSG apparently worked!
The announcement as you can guess was a little bitter-sweet for me. I cried for her when it was announced, something I almost never do in public. Then I took a walk because the flood gates had opened. No I wasn't feeling sorry for myself, that wasn't it. I really was happy for her and crying so much probably would have been hard to explain to everyone. I just felt like I needed a little privacy and didn't want to look like a fool. On the way back to the car that night there was a bit of an elephant between Babe and I. My husband is incredibly supportive, I just tend to keep my emotions to myself a lot of times so when he sees me get that way I know he thinks he needs to fix something. He's a problem solver. We talked a little bit about N's announcement and he quietly added that he was sorry we weren't in the same place. The rest of the ride home we continued the conversation about insurance, etc. It was great to hear him address it though. Not just pretend it didn't mean something to us too.
Then on Sunday we had planned on barbecuing with my friend and her husband for the game. I figured we wouldn't be the only ones there so no biggy. When we arrived there was one other couple and another girl. I kid you not, one had a two year old little boy (who by the way was ridiculously adorable) and both were obviously expecting and soon by the looks of it. Thankfully our mutual friend doesn't have kids of her own yet so it was nice to just catch up. Of course every once in a while the subject turned to baby showers, labor, one of their friend who just had their baby two days before and another one who just found out she was pregnant. So when I say I'm surrounded by babies and pregnancy, I am sooo not kidding.
Finally today was my first appointment with my new PCP. My new group requires that you at least get established once with your PCP prior to seeing an OB/Gyn even though you don't need a referral. No problem. So I arrived at my appointment armed with what little records I have from my last PCP, the beautiful insurance documents I received on Friday and my charts. I looked a little crazy but who knows what they would have wanted. My first appointment was basically a means to an end. On short notice I was only able to meet with the Nurse Practitioner who I actually really liked. She confirmed that all I really needed to do was get an initial referral and didn't waste too much of either of our time. Another great thing I loved about this office is once I get my first referral in the system, I will never need to wait weeks for another one again.
If there's anything this weekend proved, was that I can't always escape situations like these but I can make the best of them. What could have been a bad weekend was sprinkled with hope for Babe and I. I pray that someday that hope becomes a reality for us.
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