Be kind

There is a common thought among IFers and it's this, some things are better left unsaid.  We tend to be overly emotional especially when it comes to people talking about our IF.  The problem with that is we're so fickle about it too.  It really is a curse that comes with the territory.  Two people may say the same thing both with good intentions and depending on who, your mood, recent events, etc. you can take it two completely different ways.

Lately I've noticed this of me.  I try really hard to hold my tongue and not say anything offensive in return.  I have foot-in-mouth syndrome so that's not always the case which I end up having to apologize for.  Anyway, I've been pretty good about keeping my responses to myself and just nodding along with whatever is being said.  Most recently I've had people make comments on my age in regards to IF.  I'm fairly young, in my late 20's still, and Babe and I have only been "trying" for less than a year and a half.  I know that to some IFers, those numbers are a drop in the bucket especially considering we've not had any invasive procedures done.  It doesn't make our struggle any less valid though.  

Last week I text Babe's cousin N to see how her pregnancy is faring.  As always, she asked how we were doing with the doctors and insurance and followed up by asking how old I was.  When I answered her response was "I didn't realize you were so young.  You have plenty of time."  I know she meant well, it just didn't sit right with me.  Other than not being in higher danger for birth defects, what does my age have anything to do with it?  I know this isn't a race but heck I've been married and trying longer than she has.  She doesn't see me throwing that in her face does she? Even typing that response makes me cringe.  This isn't me.  Snarky and rude is not who I want to be.  

It's not the first time though.  My lovely  coworker has struggled with IF her whole life.  She had 4 miscarriages and was married 8 years before conceiving her only son.  Sometimes I think she speaks in hindsight rather than remember how she may have felt at the time.  Regardless, she's always telling me how long they waited to have a baby and wonders why everyone is always in such a rush to get pregnant.  I usually just smile and shrug when really it scares me that I could be there one day too.  

Unfortunately for us IFers, what one of us considers kind encouragement others may feel wounded by.  It's the curse and from what I can tell it doesn't always get better.  So be kind to your IF friend and IFers be kind to each other.  We all struggle differently so try listening, more often than not it's better than anything you can say.

2/19/14 Edited to add:  I kid you not, right after I posted this my coworker yelled across the office to asking "So when are you going to have kids, are you going to wait until you're 40 and have quadruplets?" She was referring to the article of a woman who had identical quadruplets when she only thought she was having triplets.