I don't even know where to begin and I apologize in advance for this post being so loopy.  Today is my first appointment with my gynecologist.  Right now there are so many emotions running through me.  I feel anticipation, sadness, excitement, nervous, happy and scared all in the same breath.  

Last night I took inventory of all my paperwork and now I'm worried the Dr. is going to be perturbed by my stack.  I'm bringing with me my last pap and blood test results, my charts, my insurance billing information, Babe's semen analysis,  and just in case, my medical records from my last PCP.  That last part is not as large as you would think.  Plus I'm just not sure what he'd want to know, you know.  

Then as I was getting ready for bed I decided to check my cervical fluid and noticed a little nodule on my cervix.  I swear I check it all the time but this is the first day I noticed it.  Now I'm not sure if it's because I touched it with the tip of my fingernail or the fact that I found it but the idea of it is actually making my skin crawl.  This may all be in my head I'm sure but I can't stop squirming knowing it's there.  I actually haven't told my husband about it yet.  I figure I can tell the Dr. at today's appointment without worrying him.  

Unfortunately, Babe cannot make it to today's appointment because he has an important meeting at work.  I'm really disappointed that he won't be there with me but I know that it's not his choice.  Last night when we prayed for dinner though I prayed that today would go well and afterwards he said "it's just a doctor's appointment".  Of all people I need for him to understand what I'm feeling.  If not a 100% at least know that all my feelings are valid.  He apologized when he realized that his comment had stung.  

Hopefully the day will go by quickly and that today's appointment is productive.  At least it's a start.


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