Normally I don't post daily let alone more than one in a day.  Today however there's a lot on my mind and I didn't want to crowd it into one post.  

Last night I dreamt that Babe and I adopted a baby boy from the Dominican Republic.  It was a beautiful dream because I knew that my heart belonged in the Dominican just a little bit more now.  I remember being in love with this little boy and being anxious to see him grow up.  This morning when I woke up I told E about the dream.  He asked how I felt while it was happening.  The only thing I told him was that I felt bad our little boy had less of a chance to be a professional baseball player by coming back to the states.  Silly I know.  

This morning I did a little research about DR adoptions and as part of the requirements both parents have to be 30 or older and be married for 5 or more years.  I sent the link to E.  His response, "seems like it is lining up".  

It never occurred to me to consider adoption where we got married.  I'd always considered foreign adoption to be from Russia, China, Mexico, etc.  But what better place than where my heart is.  Something new and beautiful to consider.

It's been a long week.  A somewhat emotional, extremely frustrating long week chalked full of more questions than answers.  Except, I should expect that by now.

A few weeks ago I had requested my medical records from my OB/Gyn in preparation for seeing an RE.  Something I now regret I waited so long to ask for.  I finally received them Wednesday night and decided to look over the 5 page document before bed.  What I found has literally had me in shock wondering what my next steps should be.

First off the report started with the sentence, quotes included, "I can't get pregnant".  Most people probably wouldn't think anything of that sencentence except Babe and I were both a dumbfounded at how insensitive it sounded.  Also included was information as if I'd had a pap smear and physical conducted at their office which I hadn't.  Then the report said I'd had a positive blood pregnancy test at their office, again something that I'd never done.  Surprisingly he also noted a concern with Babe's SA even though during our conversation he said it looked normal and nothing to be concerned about at all.

  

Next I passed on to the HSG and ultrasound reports that were conducted in April.  As mentioned the HSG found that my left tube flowed slowly.  What I didn't know however that my ultrasound report stated there were subcentimeter myometrical cysts and focal cystic change as well as a tilted and T-shaped uterus.  At the time of the transvaginal ultrasound I was on CD 10 and my uterine lining was also only 4mm thick.  Not once in all the calls I made to my doctors office was any of this mentioned even when I suspected endometriosis.  In fact, my doctor said it all looked fine and that I should continue to try naturally on our own for a while before seeing him again.  

So now what do I do?  Well, I've left a message with the office manager to see if they could explain the many discrepencies to me.  I'm not expecting much in the way of a return phone call.  So in the meantime, I plan on calling my insurance to see if they've been billed for services I never received.  Lastly, I plan on waiting until we visit the RE's office for the first time.  The girls from 3T suggest that he may have all the tests done again so I can be assured they were done properly.  I'm more than happy if that's what's needed.  

I'm still a little shocked at the results and furious that this information was withheld until now.  

I am officially done with crazy book.  Thank goodness!  It was such a train-wreck and so difficult to follow in spurts which made it hard to keep my interest.  To help get me through it though, I did read through all of Gone Girl and had my next book ready and waiting. My next book is... drum roll please... And The Mountains Echoed by Khaled Hosseini.

If you haven't read Khaled Hosseini before, I feel very sorry for you. No I'm just kidding.  But seriously, his books Kite Runner and A Thousand Splendid Suns are quite possibly two of my favorite books.  Reading them is the epitome of immersing yourself in a world you never would have experienced in your everyday life. They're moving and so powerfully written, I just can't describe it. One of my coworkers lost her father who brought the passion of reading into her life.  Since then she hasn't been able to pick up a book and follow it all the way through.  I lent her my copy of Kite Runner and now there isn't a spare moment I don't turn around to see her nose in a new book.  

Okay so my point is, please read these two books if you haven't already.  Please.  Now I can't vouch for his newest one, And The Mountains Echoed, but I'm hoping it's just as great as his others. As soon as I'm done I'll let you know.  

Besides reading, I've been pretty busy with the rest of my life.  The Walk of Hope was this past Sunday and I'm so glad I went.  It was the smallest walk I've ever participated in but it was great nonetheless.  There was a moment when we had made it all the way to the pier and turned around to walk back and I could see all the people who had been walking behind us.  It made me tear up knowing each of these people had overcome the taboo topic of infertility to come together for them or someone they love.  It made me so proud to be apart of it.  

Afterwards we had lunch with our OC friends since we were in the area. These are friends who live more than an hour a way but try to make it out to the I.E. whenever they can.  It had been almost six months since the last time we saw each other and it always feels like home when I see them.  Last year Babe and I had inadvertently thrown a naughty Christmas party for all our friends and we had been considering making it a tradition.  How do you do that you ask? Well you look up synonyms for a white elephant and send out an invite with the words "dirty santa" with a totally innocent mind.  Then your husband answers yes when asked, "are we supposed to bring 'dirty' gifts".  Everyone got pretty creative especially our OC friends.  Well over lunch they had told us the gift they received from us had been the topic of conversation among their friends and were excited for us to throw another one.  So it looks like we're doing it again this year. Except, how do we top this...

Am I happy with my life?  I ask myself this question from time to time, usually when I'm starting to feel like I'm not. Almost always my marriage is the first thing I think about and think about how blessed I am to be a part of it.  Babe truly is my best friend and although I can't stand some of his quirks sometimes, nearly every day I feel like I've never loved him more.  

As an extension of that, our family life has its ups and downs.  I'd really like to have a baby, more than one actually and sometimes I feel this huge loss of something that's not there.  Then there are times when I realize what will need to be sacrificed once we do start our family.  Things that even with our best intentions we might have to pass on like vacations, spontaneous day trips, brew hopping, etc.  Sacrifices I'm beyond willing to make but at the same time will miss.  

Next comes thinking about work.  I took this job with the hope that should we become pregnant my salary could hopefully be supplemented so I could be a stay at home mom. Two years and four months later and I'm feeling like a glorified paper pusher.  Don't get me wrong, I'm very grateful for having a job and income, I just wish I enjoyed it more.  

Mostly I'm very happy with the way things have turned out.  I could get into all sorts of other subjects that shape my life and how I feel about them but I won't.  I'd much rather dwell on what's important to me and the person I want to be.  

I've been an emotional wreck the last couple of days.  Yesterday I even asked Babe to back off because I needed space.  I'd rather him be mad at me for that then blowing up on something so stupid.  There's no real reason for my melodrama, just me being stupid.  It started after we received a wedding invitation in the mail.  We had made plans in advance around it and instead of sticking to the plans, we both had other ideas.  Then I got frustrated that I was ovulating and getting pushed aside until the very last minute.  Of course I then didn't want to fool around because who wants to make a baby when you're arguing.  It was all very silly and I felt stupid about it.

Anyway, in the DD household there are a couple of other very exciting things happening this weekend.  Babe was asked to be our nieces Godfather so we're going to get some paperwork squared away at the San Gabriel Mission. Then on Sunday we're doing our very first Walk of Hope in Long Beach.  Resolve is putting this event on to bring awareness and raise awareness for infertility.  I'm hoping that there will be a ton of resources available to us there as well as some great networking opportunities.  So much for a quiet weekend staying home and cleaning.

I feel like I'm playing double dutch, or more accurately, I'm prepping to jump into the double dutch ropes.  Open enrollment begins with my company September 15th, less than one week from now. Until then my benefits office hasn't released any plan information. For Babe's employer, it doesn't begin until around October which is when mine ends. Sure there is probably room for changes should I need it, but that's the least of my worries.  

We've started to lean towards finding an RE prior to our coverage period should their financial department be able to help us choose.  With that information I've started to do research on RE's in the area and even those outside of it. Yesterday I contacted one about 30 minutes from my home who told me that an initial consultation would cost $150 without insurance coverage.  Today I read reviews on one in my own city that offers a free seminar with consultation. Both seem reputable and have great reviews on third party sites.  However the one in the I.E. would normally cost $300+ for an initial consultation leading me to believe that their costs are more than the other.  

Like this blog, my brain is taking me in so many different directions I'm not really sure which is the best decision.  For now, we've scheduled a free consultation at the I.E. RE's office for October 15th.  Which incidentally will be 2 years since we've stopped all birth control and the day before Babe's birthday.  

This morning I bit the bullet and called the RE's office that I'm interested in going to in the coming year.  The woman who answered the phone was so kind and wasn't put off at all by my bizarro questions about coverage.  I wonder if they get it all the time.  

So I found out that a consult with the RE will cost $150 at which time he may or may not order additional testing.  The receptionist seemed pleasantly surprised when I listed off the tests I'd already had done through my Gynecologists office but wasn't sure if the doctor would want them repeated or not.  Either way, I think I'm going to talk to Babe tonight about making an appointment soon.  It may help to find out if our 2015 insurance options will work there. Right now, I'm feeling a mixture of happiness and excitement.  Who knew this process would bring so many tears of happiness along with sadness.  

It's also brought with it its share of financial cost.  Just this morning my thermometer crapped out on me so I wasn't able to take my bbt.  I'm still taking my temps at 5:45 even though I'm back to my regular work schedule.  I'll keep it up through this cycle just to keep my charting consistent.  But at 5:45 when I know I have an hour more to sleep, no lights and loud beeping coming from a crappy thermometer, I have no other option than to go back to sleep.  Waking up to see if it could be fixed wasn't worth it.  So this afternoon I ran to Walgreens during lunch to see if I could buy a replacement.  The only ones I could find were for infants and toddlers and when I finally got someone to help me, she kept asking if I was "trying".  Without being rude I simply overstepped the question and thanked her for her help. Hopefully this thermometer has a longer shelf life than the last, which by the way was not cheap.  

So there have been quite a few things happening since my last post.  First off, I finally introduced myself on the 3T board.  It felt right and has turned out to be much better than I was expecting.  So far I haven't become obsessed with my IF and it hasn't been all consuming.

Baby D was born to J&C 8/28 weighing over 6 lbs.  According to the doctors he was a micro-preemie since he was born at 35 weeks.  The general consensus is that the doctors had the wrong due date and that he's only a week early and not 5. Baby D and mommy were both okay and are home now.

Babe is finally back to working normal 8 hour days instead of the grueling 16 hour ones.  In celebration, he, his brothers and his dad planned a trip to Vegas.  While he was away I planned to pick our nephew up from preschool for his dad and help my sister-in-law out a bit as well as feed my father-in-law's dog.  In two days I basically drove all over southern California to do an airport drop-off, hang out with my sister, feed pets, pick up kids, dinner and watch soccer games.  By Saturday night I was beat.  Thankfully Babe was just as exhausted when he got home that all we did was sleep.

At some point this weekend I mentioned to him that there was a Resolve Walk of Hope happening this month in Long Beach.  It's something that I literally just ran across and thought it might be a good time to network and find IF resources.  Interestingly enough he said that while they were in Vegas, his brother asked us how things had been going and if both of us had been tested.  Babe of course had to brag that in the average SA there are 20 million sperm per ounce and that he had 90 million.  They talked a little bit about IVF and adoption and which ones we were considering depending on how the next year or so go.  Two great things came out of it.  One, everyone we're close to now knows and I didn't have to be the one to share it.  And two, it's reassuring to know Babe has these conversations with his brothers and that he feels at all comfortable discussing our IF.  It made me all warm and fuzzy hearing him tell me about it.  Hopefully he'll be comfortable enough to join me at the walk in a couple of weeks too.  

Last night we received a text message from our friends who are pregnant with their second son due in October.  Early last night her water broke and so they were admitted into the hospital.  Without contractions, and her first being born cesarean section, the plan was to get her to wait until 6:30 this morning before they would deliver the baby.

I'm anxiously awaiting news that mom and baby are both healthy and fine.  Hopefully we're able to meet the little guy after work today.  In the meantime, I just keep praying that everything is alright.  

Being second born has its advantages and disadvantages.  For one, our parents have started to figure out parenthood and tend to be more lenient than with our older sibling.  At least that's the case in both mine and Babe's families.  On the flip side, both Babe's older brother and my older sister are both done having kids.  The first grandchildren in the family.  Who, as the oldest, have inherited many of our childhood toys, books and even cherished heirlooms.  

Dealing with IF causes you to mourn things you never thought you would.  As silly as it is, these are some of the things I've mourned.  Knowing that my children will never have the collection of books that my mom read to us growing up or the beautiful rocking chair that their grandmother rocked their dad in as a little boy.  In conversations with my mom and father-in-law recently, I've begun to notice these items being given away without giving us the consideration.  I'm not sure what is more hurtful, that our parents didn't even consider us, or they did and believed we may never need them.  

I know this cycle is a bust.  I know this because my temps have dropped below my coverline at 5 (or 9 depending on which ovulation day you pick) dpo, much like they've done before.  Only this time, I'm not entirely sad.  This month I've done a good job of looking towards open enrollment and planning for the coming year. Last week I got the first open enrollment email reminder.  Now if they'll just publish the options and rates I can get started.  As far as my charts are concerned, I'm not sure how much I trust FF this cycle.  My most fertile cervical fluid, my ovulation pain and my tests all point to me ovulating on Saturday the 15th.  However my temperatures didn't spike until Thursday the 21st causing FF to label the 20th as ovulation day. 

Has anyone else had any trouble with FF charts not being accurate? 

Sometimes I feel like the responsibility of getting pregnant is mine alone.  For the last year I've worked on getting the right tests, doctors, and am now looking into insurance for IF coverage for next year.  Then every morning I take my temperature at 5:45 and every night before bed I take my medication.  Then I proceed to gather that data on a daily basis looking for signs of fertile cervical fluid, take ovulation tests (OPK) as necessary and as sweetly as possible try to let Babe know when our window will be.  And as much as he hates timed intercourse, so do I.  There's nothing about telling your spouse that we have to have sex now or for the next xx days that's romantic.  It's up to us to do that.  

Each time I try to change my approach.  I've tried not telling him at all and just attempted to make it happen, tried giving him a month heads up, a week heads up, a couple of days notice.  I've even gone as far as left my OPK's on the counter so he can see the positive himself.  I'm concerned that when we finally are in the midst of IF treatments that he won't be willing to have timed intercourse on Dr.'s orders then either.  I'm just so frustrated and more than a little hurt. There doesn't seem to be a solution.

This past weekend I had two days of positive OPK's.  Instead we had sex the day the tests turned negative again. Babe's response "well then you just got lucky sex".  At some point during the weekend I had a breakdown and it's taking everything not to do it again as I type this.  Right now though, he's under a lot of pressure at work and so I can kind of understand if it's too much.  Once it's over though, I plan to have a serious conversation with him about my concerns.  He says he wants to have kids.  Does he though, or is this all just me?  I don't just need him for a shoulder to cry on, I need him through this too.  If anyone tries to tell you IF isn't hard on a marriage, they're lying through their teeth.

Let's talk about depression.  It's come up a lot this week with the passing of great comedian and actor Robin Williams. Apparently the amazing Mr. Williams suffered lately from this great beastly demon we call depression.  At some point, his became so overwhelming he thought the best way to deal with it was by taking his own life.  Many of us have speculated that his life was good enough and that his decision was one of selfishness.  As an outsider, I can see the truth in that but more importantly as someone who has had unbearably dark days I understand a little of what he may have been going through.  Up until today, my husband is the only person who knows this about me. Only he knows that at my darkest, I too contemplated taking my own life thinking that suffering would end for both me and those I love.  

At the time, there was so much going on around us that my depression was muddled with so much other shit we were dealing with.  I didn't reach out for help from loved ones or professionals for fear of being labeled "crazy". Thankfully my situation became better as did my outlook, something I'm so blessed by.  It's not something I would ever recommend going alone but it's all too common.  I was lucky, sadly that is not always the case.  People talk about all the help you can receive, hotlines, friends/family, therapists, medical professionals, but the reality is taking that step is not always easy.  Without placing any blame whatsoever, sometimes it takes people taking notice and extending a helping hand.

I've mentioned before that I'm not quite ready to reach out on The Bumps 3T board.  But yesterday I came across an amazing thing.  A post was created asking for updates on women who have moved on from the board and are either seeking further treatment or are now pregnant.  The posts creator asked that everyone write words of wisdom to those still knee deep in the IF struggle.  There were multiple responses in which therapy was suggested because of how depressing this path could be.  They ranged from getting help right away to those who recognized after failed IVF and moving onto non-genetic children or living child-free.  They stressed how hard it was on their marriages, themselves as potential mothers but more importantly, for their own health and well-being.  It's one of the reasons I'm fearful of throwing myself into that.  But there was something else in that long list of posts.  Almost everyone expressed their sincerest gratitude for being part of a group who understood what they were going through and supported them like no one else could.  It was incredible.  I'm getting closer to reaching out to them after reading the post.  And although I'm not seeing someone now, I know and Babe knows what to look for should my depression return.  

In the meantime, I pray for Mr. Williams family to find peace during this difficult time.  

The last couple of weeks I've been working at getting my Bump account updated by the moderators/techies.  I have an old account with my actual name so I opened a new account with new username and email address.  Then when I went in to change the email address it linked the two accounts together.  Because of that, my signature with all my TTTC (trouble trying to conceive) data is now attached to my old account as well.  We finally got the old account deleted but my old posts are still there with my signature.  Today TB finally asked me for links to those old posts so they can delete them for me.  As I was going through one of my old posts I noticed two girls from my old board who also have TTTC signatures.  Both of them kept their usernames which can be easily identified.  One is currently a mom of one now struggling again to conceive baby #2.  The other shows she's a mom of one and doesn't say if she's trying for anymore.

It got me thinking though, why do I find it so important to keep my identity a secret?  I don't even plan on posting to the 3T board right now and yet I'm terrified of people from my old life knowing who I am and what I'm struggling with.  I'm not ashamed.  At least I don't think I am.  I'm also no longer completely closeted to friends and family.  The only thing I can pinpoint is that we haven't come out to everyone close to us yet and therefore it's unfair to them.  That may just be an excuse though, I'm not quite sure.

On another note, I sent an email to my benefits administrator about open enrollment and she said I should expect to hear something in the next two weeks!  I never actually believed that when I started this blog 8 months ago that I would truly be waiting to go to open enrollment a year later.  Having IF coverage comes with its own set of concerns. I'm worried my new insurance will have 1 year requirement with an OB/Gyn before being referred to a RE (reproductive endocrinologist).  I'm afraid that I won't find one that I like or that isn't as driven to find an answer as we(I) are.  My current gynecologist is turning out to be that way.  I guess I can't blame him considering he's not in the IF business.  I'm also a little nervous, but hopeful, that if I have to see another OB/Gyn or start with a RE, that they will redo many of the tests already performed.  It would be great to have an correct updated version but I worry that we would be 50% oop (out of pocket) for tests we didn't have to pay a dime for previously.  This just reminds me that IF is a lot of work.

And lastly, this weekend Babe's cousin N welcomed her beautiful baby girl into the family.  I've yet to meet her but her pictures are really adorable and she looks so much like her daddy.  People can say what they want but no baby I've seen to date looks like a potato.  They all have such distinct features from day one.  

A couple of nights ago I was lying in bed and realized I hadn't taken my meds for the night.  Since babe was walking around, I asked if he wouldn't mind grabbing them for me.  I explained how many of each I needed and where to find them.  As he was opening the folic acid bottle he asked what it was for.  I explained to him that should I become pregnant it would help with the baby's brain development.  As soon as I said it I laughed thinking it was such a strange thing to be doing.  It's important, don't get me wrong, and I won't stop taking it as long as we're trying.  It's just dawned on me though that I've been taking it for almost 2 years now with "if" in mind.  I've been preparing for this for quite sometime and even before the folic acid came along.  I remember leaving the hospital the day we met my nephew on my husbands side for the first time.  I remember my husband being so excited about him and talking about wanting to have one of his own soon.  I remember plotting out a timeline when we would stop using birth control, not sooner than we were ready though because we could conceive right away.  It's all so strange this IF thing.  

I'm starting to realize I'm not so good at blogging.  While I'm on my 4/40 schedule I'm already only posting 4 days a week.  Lately as you can probably tell it's been maybe a couple of times a week at most.  So I think, just like our IF life, I'm going to temporarily step away.  At least while there aren't constant updates to be made.  I still really want to use this as an IF journal but nothing is really happening on that front.  In the next month my company should be providing paperwork for open enrollment at which time we'll change at least my insurance carrier.  In the meantime, I'll try to check in every now and then with something other than the weekend play-by-play.  

It's Monday and I'm reluctantly back at work with a case of the "wish-the-weekend-was-longer" blues.  It was amazing in so many different ways.  The only thing that could have been better was seeing our best friends and spending time with my mom.  But I've vowed to do that all very soon.

Friday I received an early morning phone call from my sister.  At first I was a little perturbed since both Babe and I were asleep and I was excited about sleeping in.  Unfortunately sleeping in for me was to crash for another 15-30 minutes before returning her call.  Apparently she had scheduled a doctors appointment at the same time my nephew has his swim lessons.  Since Babe and I were the cause of him ditching last week, I figured it would be a good excuse to make the 30 mile drive to Pasadena to spend the morning with him.  It was a short trip but I'm so glad I made it.  The drive was definitely worth seeing that little face and hearing all his goofy stories.  Then later that day as I was running errands I got a text from my father-in-law asking if I wanted to see a movie with him since I had the day off.  We went to see Lucy which was ridiculous and not in a urban dictionary sort of way.  Once Babe was home, we made a last minute decision to go have dinner with some friends and visit a few breweries.  We started off in Anaheim at Noble Aleworks and found our way to Bottle Logic.  Although the guys were great at the first, Bottle Logic was definitely my favorite of the two.  They had a really nice selection in ales and great atmosphere.  

Our only plans for Saturday were to get up early and go yard-saling to look for a treadmill.  After 3 hours, no luck and picking up my father-in-law to join us on our quest, we finally stopped to have breakfast.  With nothing else to do we ran some fun errands to Home Depot and Bed, Bath and Beyond.  Let me tell you something about me.  Shopping for clothes is not my thing.  I can however shop for hours and spend hundreds in a home improvement store.  I've even been known to go 9 different times in one week to finish a project.  I LOVE IT!  Anyway, we walked out with a cart full of stuff for the yard and around the house which I promptly began to work on as soon as we got home.  The rest of the day consisted of swimming, lounging around the house, trying out a new Thai joint by our house (which reminds me I have to review on Yelp) and watching Netflix shows to our hearts content.  And holy Blackfish!  That was just as awful as The Cove.  If you don't know what I'm talking about look it up.  

The next morning we got to work cleaning the house to have Babe's dad, brother and his family over to swim.  It was fun getting to play with the kids and catch up with everyone all together.  By the time they left, Babe and I were hungry and exhausted.  

Now I'm sitting here having husband withdrawals and planning the next month of weekends.  Oh yeah, and searching the web for Beagle rescues trying to convince my husband.  

This whole IF thing has me really understanding how much love and support we have in our lives.  We are genuinely blessed to have the family and friends we do.  A few months ago I posted how alone I felt because it felt like everyone was tiptoeing around the subject.  It was almost as if everyone read my mind.  In the last month, I've felt so much love from my mom, my sister, E's cousin, our sister-in-law and our friends.  Even the cab driver in Vegas (long, long story) was encouraging.  And I'm PMSing right now so just typing this is making me tear up.

When I'm having bad days, I hope I can remember feelings like this.  My heart is full right now.

The last couple of cycles I've been going through this weird thing were I spot, sometimes heavily, up to two weeks before my period.  Just when I think I understand my cycles, something always comes up.  I'm expecting to start my period on Friday but I've been spotting since last Tuesday.  I wish I had asked my doctor to take hormone level tests to see if I have an imbalance.  Oh wait, I already did that.

Of course looking up all my symptoms on WebMD is a total bust.  Apparently I could possibly have one of the following illnesses: 

• Endometriosis
• Miscarriage
• Ovarian cysts
• Premature labor (of course)
• Vaginitis (what the hell is that?)
• PCOS
• Chlamydia (I guess if we're covering all our bases, STD's shouldn't be left out)
• PMS
• UTI
• Fibroids
• Cancer
• Foreign object in the vagina (I'm not even going to go there)

Never mind the fact that almost every PMS symptom can also double as a pregnancy symptom and I find myself peeing on anything that looks remotely like a stick.  Of course then I have to explain to Babe why there's a pregnancy test on the counter anytime he uses my bathroom.  Couldn't God have made us with indicator lights?  I would save a lot of money not freaking myself out thinking I'm experiencing premature labor and avoid the L&D when it's really just a foreign object in the vagina.

Tune in tomorrow when we discuss what Vaginitis is.

So much is on my mind and heart today.  Babe's younger brother is taking the California State Bar Exam today through Thursday.  He's done an amazing job studying and preparing for this, but there's of course a lot of pressure to pass on the first try.  I'm pretty sure he'll be just fine but he won't find out until November.  Then I just finished reading Liz's post over on Wishing on a Snowflake and she has me heartbroken.  After overcoming a long struggle with infertility by adopting embryos, she's now having to begin genetic testing her week old baby girl Samantha.  I don't know the other side of infertility but I can tell you the road she's already traveled is more than enough for one person/couple to bear.  I only hope answers come to them quickly and that Samantha is healthy.

As for us personally, I just received a letter from my medical group stating that my OB/Gyn will be leaving the group come August 15th.  With 2 weeks to go, I'm at a loss of what I should do.  Do I try to fit any more appointments in with him, try to find another practice right away or at least try to get my records for the last 5 months?  Thankfully I wasn't in the middle of testing with him which is making it easier to decide to just wait.  I also hope that this doesn't affect the problems I'd been having with billing.