Infertility at its best

The last couple of weeks I've been working at getting my Bump account updated by the moderators/techies.  I have an old account with my actual name so I opened a new account with new username and email address.  Then when I went in to change the email address it linked the two accounts together.  Because of that, my signature with all my TTTC (trouble trying to conceive) data is now attached to my old account as well.  We finally got the old account deleted but my old posts are still there with my signature.  Today TB finally asked me for links to those old posts so they can delete them for me.  As I was going through one of my old posts I noticed two girls from my old board who also have TTTC signatures.  Both of them kept their usernames which can be easily identified.  One is currently a mom of one now struggling again to conceive baby #2.  The other shows she's a mom of one and doesn't say if she's trying for anymore.

It got me thinking though, why do I find it so important to keep my identity a secret?  I don't even plan on posting to the 3T board right now and yet I'm terrified of people from my old life knowing who I am and what I'm struggling with.  I'm not ashamed.  At least I don't think I am.  I'm also no longer completely closeted to friends and family.  The only thing I can pinpoint is that we haven't come out to everyone close to us yet and therefore it's unfair to them.  That may just be an excuse though, I'm not quite sure.

On another note, I sent an email to my benefits administrator about open enrollment and she said I should expect to hear something in the next two weeks!  I never actually believed that when I started this blog 8 months ago that I would truly be waiting to go to open enrollment a year later.  Having IF coverage comes with its own set of concerns. I'm worried my new insurance will have 1 year requirement with an OB/Gyn before being referred to a RE (reproductive endocrinologist).  I'm afraid that I won't find one that I like or that isn't as driven to find an answer as we(I) are.  My current gynecologist is turning out to be that way.  I guess I can't blame him considering he's not in the IF business.  I'm also a little nervous, but hopeful, that if I have to see another OB/Gyn or start with a RE, that they will redo many of the tests already performed.  It would be great to have an correct updated version but I worry that we would be 50% oop (out of pocket) for tests we didn't have to pay a dime for previously.  This just reminds me that IF is a lot of work.

And lastly, this weekend Babe's cousin N welcomed her beautiful baby girl into the family.  I've yet to meet her but her pictures are really adorable and she looks so much like her daddy.  People can say what they want but no baby I've seen to date looks like a potato.  They all have such distinct features from day one.  


Post a Comment