Let's talk about depression. It's come up a lot this week with the passing of great comedian and actor Robin Williams. Apparently the amazing Mr. Williams suffered lately from this great beastly demon we call depression. At some point, his became so overwhelming he thought the best way to deal with it was by taking his own life. Many of us have speculated that his life was good enough and that his decision was one of selfishness. As an outsider, I can see the truth in that but more importantly as someone who has had unbearably dark days I understand a little of what he may have been going through. Up until today, my husband is the only person who knows this about me. Only he knows that at my darkest, I too contemplated taking my own life thinking that suffering would end for both me and those I love.
At the time, there was so much going on around us that my depression was muddled with so much other shit we were dealing with. I didn't reach out for help from loved ones or professionals for fear of being labeled "crazy". Thankfully my situation became better as did my outlook, something I'm so blessed by. It's not something I would ever recommend going alone but it's all too common. I was lucky, sadly that is not always the case. People talk about all the help you can receive, hotlines, friends/family, therapists, medical professionals, but the reality is taking that step is not always easy. Without placing any blame whatsoever, sometimes it takes people taking notice and extending a helping hand.
I've mentioned before that I'm not quite ready to reach out on The Bumps 3T board. But yesterday I came across an amazing thing. A post was created asking for updates on women who have moved on from the board and are either seeking further treatment or are now pregnant. The posts creator asked that everyone write words of wisdom to those still knee deep in the IF struggle. There were multiple responses in which therapy was suggested because of how depressing this path could be. They ranged from getting help right away to those who recognized after failed IVF and moving onto non-genetic children or living child-free. They stressed how hard it was on their marriages, themselves as potential mothers but more importantly, for their own health and well-being. It's one of the reasons I'm fearful of throwing myself into that. But there was something else in that long list of posts. Almost everyone expressed their sincerest gratitude for being part of a group who understood what they were going through and supported them like no one else could. It was incredible. I'm getting closer to reaching out to them after reading the post. And although I'm not seeing someone now, I know and Babe knows what to look for should my depression return.
In the meantime, I pray for Mr. Williams family to find peace during this difficult time.
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