It takes two to baby dance

Sometimes I feel like the responsibility of getting pregnant is mine alone.  For the last year I've worked on getting the right tests, doctors, and am now looking into insurance for IF coverage for next year.  Then every morning I take my temperature at 5:45 and every night before bed I take my medication.  Then I proceed to gather that data on a daily basis looking for signs of fertile cervical fluid, take ovulation tests (OPK) as necessary and as sweetly as possible try to let Babe know when our window will be.  And as much as he hates timed intercourse, so do I.  There's nothing about telling your spouse that we have to have sex now or for the next xx days that's romantic.  It's up to us to do that.  

Each time I try to change my approach.  I've tried not telling him at all and just attempted to make it happen, tried giving him a month heads up, a week heads up, a couple of days notice.  I've even gone as far as left my OPK's on the counter so he can see the positive himself.  I'm concerned that when we finally are in the midst of IF treatments that he won't be willing to have timed intercourse on Dr.'s orders then either.  I'm just so frustrated and more than a little hurt. There doesn't seem to be a solution.

This past weekend I had two days of positive OPK's.  Instead we had sex the day the tests turned negative again. Babe's response "well then you just got lucky sex".  At some point during the weekend I had a breakdown and it's taking everything not to do it again as I type this.  Right now though, he's under a lot of pressure at work and so I can kind of understand if it's too much.  Once it's over though, I plan to have a serious conversation with him about my concerns.  He says he wants to have kids.  Does he though, or is this all just me?  I don't just need him for a shoulder to cry on, I need him through this too.  If anyone tries to tell you IF isn't hard on a marriage, they're lying through their teeth.


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