Thank you all for visiting my blog in the last week.  I've realized more than ever that our support system rocks and E & I are incredibly blessed.  As I mentioned, I came out officially on Facebook even though I was insanely nervous.  It couldn't have gone better.  Immediately we were inundated with comments, personal messages, texts and emails from so many of our friends and family showing their love and support.  I think it touched a lot of people more than I was ever anticipating.  Other than a few adoption comments which was a great platform to educate, NIAW for us was a success.  

If you haven't been following the movement, just do a quick search of #NIAW on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Pinterest.  I've found a few more amazing blogs because of it this week.  Also, check back on Resolve's 2015 Bloggers Unite Blogroll.  A lot of my favorites participated and I was able to find a few more because of it.  Also see how you can participate in upcoming events such as Advocacy Day or a Walk of Hope in your area.  National Infertility Awareness Week may be over but there's still so much more work to be done.  

In the midst of all of it we are still trekking towards our IUI in less than a month.  Babe and I had completed our blood work almost as quickly as they provided the order.  Then on Thursday I was informed that my RE didn't complete the order like they should have and had to request I get more blood work done right away.  I'm trying not to get frustrated with them but I must admit it's becoming difficult.  My concern is that something will have been missed and because this is our first time we won't know until it's too late.  I was just hoping that since spontaneous conception isn't in the cards for us that this experience would be a little more positive.  Hopefully going forward it can be.

When I started approaching the year mark I thought I needed to educate myself more on my reproductive system and picked up the book "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" by Toni Weschler.  Although I may have been a bit naive at the time, it's still quite possibly the best resource out there on the topic.   When I came across this next blogger I was sold as soon as I saw that she also recommended it.  Lisa's blog post 10 Tips for Surviving Infertility at Amateur Nester, suggests that your first steps are to educate yourself.  The list is less about the hardships of infertility and more about taking taking care of yourself, enjoying yourself and paying attention to your partner.  Things that are so often lost when you're overcome with the stresses of infertility.  For those of us who are actually dealing with infertility, you can also use the information when thinking about distractions during the dreaded 2WW.  There are so many practical applications for this post and I challenge you use them in your everyday life.  

So for my final blog highlight, 10 Tips for Surviving Infertility on Amateur Nester, please click on the picture below.  

Regina is a woman after my own heart.  I am often left wondering, questioning and reevaluating past experiences but in my case often to a fault.  In Regina's post What If... I Said What I Was Thinking on her blog The Broken Brown Egg, she suggests what I consider on a regular basis, what if "I said the first things that came to my mind?"  Recently I opened up to my mom and sister about my diagnosis and asked for their suggestions on something.  I was shocked to hear my sister point out how many things E and I have to think about on a regular basis.  Afterwards I considered what the conversation would have been like if I always just spoke what was on my mind to her.  Not negatively but honestly.  Would that be the easiest way to awareness?  Or would she be more closed off to our struggle thinking I'm constantly complaining?  What I also like about this post is that it's very clear how much infertility consumes us sometimes, even when we don't realize it.  

I encourage you to click on the picture below to read the full blog post What If... I Said What I Was Thinking on The Broken Brown Egg.

Today's reblog comes from a guest post written by Katie on Katherine's blog Proverbs & Pacifiers called Dealing with Infertility: A Better Way To Talk About Not Having Babies.  So often we in the infertility community don't share our struggle because of the negative reactions we receive.  Although most reactions come from inexperience and not ill will, we're frequently left feeling hurt or anger towards that person or situation.  

Often when searching the word "infertility" the results will produce dozens of lists about what not to say to someone with infertility.  This isn't necessarily a bad thing but I personally appreciate it when  the suggestions have a positive twist to them.  Katie's post, as well as others I will be highlighting later this week, are some of the most articulate and compassionate out there.  When I first came across it I was reminded of all the times I may have unknowingly put my foot in my mouth during other uncomfortable topics of conversation.  It's what we do as humans.  However Katie reminds us that there is a way to talk about infertility and by educating yourself you may find that it's not what you say but how you say it that makes all the difference.

So please click on the picture below to read the full post Dealing with Infertility: A Better Way To Talk About Not Having Babies on Proverbs & Pacifiers.  

For the next few days of National Infertility Awareness Week I will be highlighting some of the blog posts I've come to reference.  Each of these is posted on my NIAW Pinterest board but they mean so much to me I thought I'd share them here as well.  Like I mentioned yesterday no matter how infertility affects you, there are resources.

Today's blog post belongs to Chris and Candace Wohl from Our Misconception.  Candace and Chris have bravely shared their story not only on their blog but also with the world on numerous outlets including MTV's True Life, where you watched with much emotion, their final attempt at IVF. Their post Resolve to Know More About Surviving Infertility made them the 2014 recipients of the Hope Award for Best Blog from Resolve.  This post is raw and heartfelt.  It's the life, the heart and the mind of what it's like to live the life of infertility.  As you read remember that there's a reason the Wohl's share their struggle with us.  They do it for the other 1 in 8 couples like them.  To bring awareness to our disease so that others can find or be support in a community that is so often hushed.

So without further ado, click on the picture below to read the complete post Resolve to Know More About Surviving Infertility on Our Misconception.  

Hello my name is Cynthia F. and my husband and I  are 1 in 8.

What I'm about to post comes after a lot of thought and plenty of nerves.  For as long as I can remember I have wanted to be a mom.  I've doted on our family and friends chubby cheeked infants for years hoping to garner practice for the time when E and I could have a baby or babies of our own.  Unfortunately for us life isn't always how we plan.  For the past few years we have struggled with infertility.  Something I personally have been afraid to say out loud for fear of sounding like a failure.  It has led to many doctors' appointments, tears and ultimately heartache each and every month.  For what seems so easy for others is not coming easily for  us and still our story is not over.

Infertility can be a cringe worthy topic to some, especially to be shared on social media.  We had hoped that given time, coming out about our infertility would be unnecessary because we would eventually fall pregnant.  Month after month we were proven wrong and the shame of it has kept more me than us quiet.  That is why I am writing this today. Infertility, be it primary, secondary, permanent, etc. should not be shameful.  It is a disease like many others, which robs 1 in 8 couples of realizing their dream of becoming parents.  It comes to the rich and poor, young and old, healthy and unhealthy alike.  It can be the result of one "issue", many "issues" and in numerous cases can be completely unexplained.  Regardless of the diagnosis behind it, each couple is plagued with difficult decisions, countless medical procedures, emotional ups and downs, and well intentioned stories and suggestions.

I write this to break the silence during this, National Infertility Awareness Week.  To provide a glimpse into our own struggle  with the hopes that it empowers others dealing with this terribly taboo topic.  To ask for your love and support in a way that allows you to see infertility in the real light as opposed to myths we see in movies and on television.  And to remind each and every one of you that although you may not struggle with infertility personally, 1 in 8 couples does and chances are you know one of them.  There are so many resources out there for you no matter how it affects you.

If you are also 1 in 8 my heart truly goes out to you. My best advice is to create a great support network for yourself. Unlike other diseases, support usually has to be sought out as opposed to coming to you. Visit Resolve.org, join a support group or prayer chain.  Believe me when I tell you, even though it hurts sometimes; it helps more than anything to tell your story.  You'd be surprised at the outpouring of support you will receive.  Also know that I am always here to talk whenever you may need it because you are definitely not alone. My prayers are always with you. And for your physical health do your research and find good medical professionals. Its amazing what they can offer you even if it's just peace of mind. For the rest of you, be the person that listens or that shoulder to cry on.   Educate yourselves for your loved one,  even the most well-meaning recommendations can wound someone dealing with infertility.  Resolve.org also has resources for you as do countless blogs like Keiko Zoll's, Our Misconception, and The Broken Brown Egg.  Your support can mean the world to them.

Lastly I want to personally thank each and every one of you who has been there for E and I during this trying time. Some of you knew the full extent of our struggle and has touched us in more ways than we could have asked.  We love you deeply and promise that although we may not share every gritty detail, you will be the first to know when our family is expanding in whichever fashion it happens. 

CF/Dominican Dreamer

I was so excited to post about this new book that I made sure to take a photo of it the minute I walked in from the bookstore.  Only problem is, that was 2 weeks ago and I've been so busy preparing for NIAW that I totally forgot about it.  So anyways, here it is "The Goldfinch" by Donna Tartt.

I'm already a couple chapters in and loving it.  Of course I'm sure that's what I say about all my books though.  Actually this one was a recommendation from 3T many moons ago.  Since then it's been on my wishlist waiting until it comes out on paperback (I can't handle hard cover and book jackets).  Then for my birthday I got $75 in Barnes & Noble gift cards and of course already spent every penny.  But now that my weekends are finally starting to mellow out I can get back to reading on my free time and not just lunch breaks.  Woo hoo!

Stay tuned this weekend for my NIAW post and something else I'm super excited to share with you the rest of the week.  

So we're really doing this.  Yesterday we were given our orders to get blood drawn for infectious diseases, AMH, and a bunch of other necessary tests.  I also received my order for my cycle medications.  I've been given 100mg of Progesterone and 10000 units of HCG.  

So far the costs for all meds is coming to about $350 with shipping from a local fertility pharmacy.  However I'm debating trying to lower that cost by using a company called Town Drug Store that is based out of Israel.  Obviously I'm concerned that by cutting prices I'm cutting corners as well but I can't seem to find anything bad about them.  Does anyone out there have experience with them?  I'd love to hear your good or bad feedback to help me make my decision.  Now that all of that is out of the way, all that's left to do is sit and wait for this cycle to come and go.  If FF is to be believed I'll be starting the next one on May 15th.

On a completely separate note, I'm trying something new and loving it.  So TMI warning which shouldn't really be applicable on a blog that discusses cervical mucus.  I started using the Diva Cup this cycle.  It's this amazing little contraption that has so far worked wonders in stopping my blood clots and any leakage. Most of the reviews said it takes a while to get the positioning just right but so far I've had really great luck.  I've been wearing it for 2 days now and have decided I'm never going back to tampons.  Although I've been lucky enough to only have to use it at home so far and maybe I'm in for it this afternoon.  Either way, it's doing exactly what everything else claims to do and I only have to change it twice a day.  Score me!

Today we decided to throw a little luncheon in honor of my boss becoming a grandma.  Don't get me started on a grandma shower, I'm still up in the air about how I feel about them.  But it is a long standing tradition in our department so it only makes sense to do one for her.  

Anyway, it was casual and intimate and I was feeling pretty good about it.  That was until every conversation led back to when the rest of us were going to start having kids.  We listened, laughed, avoided and deflected as much as we could.  I listened while she told my co-worker she could only deny if she "couldn't have kids".  I laughed her off when I was told I needed to try harder.  Shamefully I even turned the attention to my other co-workers which I now completely regret.  It was brutal.  Thankfully most of the other girls know our struggles and were helpful but I can't help but feel awkward that I spent my afternoon dodging questions about my reproduction.  

Why is it anyone's business and even more so in a professional setting?  Even if I had been forthcoming about my infertility, that wouldn't have stopped the annoying suggestions that every one of us has encountered.  Sometimes I wish I could wear an invisible sign on my shirt that would tell people without the follow up questions and recommendations.  It was easier when we first started trying and I would joke that we never wanted kids.  At least that stopped people in their tracks.  Today I just wanted to scream at her "IF YOU ONLY KNEW!".  

Now that April is here I'm starting to feel everything that it brings.  Aside from the beautiful Southern California weather we are having it means celebrations of all different sorts.  It means prepping financially and medically for an exciting next month.  What it also brings is National Infertility Awareness Week #NIAW, April 19-25th.  

Last year I had cautiously decided against going public about our struggle.  I mean, we were going to get pregnant anyways so it wouldn't matter...right?  Instead I publicized my infertility board on Pinterest and hinted around the subject.  I at least wasn't going to keep quiet about it.  Babe at the time was incredibly supportive.  He had originally encouraged me to say something on FB but understood why I was apprehensive.  356 days later and I've decided I'm not waiting any longer.  Okay well maybe another nine days until April 19th at least.

Although I'm sure many people have guessed and our inner circle is already aware, I'm incredibly nervous to put it all out there.  So bare and so permanent.  I've already typed up what I'd like to say and have been creating a new Pinterest board with resources for those of us struggling as well as their friends and family.  In addition, since I will be sharing my infertility with everyone IRL, I also plan on finally reveling myself here as well!  Whoa, whoa, whoa, crazy I know.  For the past year I've given it a lot of thought and I feel really good about all these changes.  

In addition to NIAW, I've also been thinking of ways to participate in Advocacy Day and in my own baby steps way, I finally have that opportunity.  Chris and Candace from their blog Our Misconception offered to take letters to our representatives for us!  How awesome of them is that!  So in a small way, and thanks to them, I'm able to participate in not only National Infertility Awareness Week but Advocacy Day to bring awareness to the infertility community.  If you have a chance, take a look at their blog and consider writing a letter of your own to help initiate change in legislation.  

I'm so exited to be doing so much for myself and my community in the next couple of months.

I can't believe it's already April.  My friend just reminded me that if I'm having an IUI in May that it's next month!  It seems so surreal to be on the verge of a serious chance.

Anyway, with 3 months down this year I'm already well on my way to my reading goal.  As of the beginning of this year I've finished 10 books and only have 15 more until I meet it.  Some have been pretty pathetic, others have been out of guilt and only a couple have been really good.

1.	Unbroken: A WWII Story of Survival, Resilience, and Redemption	Laura Hillenbrand
2.	The Scorch Trials (Maze Runner, Book 2)	James Dashner
3.	The Death Cure (Maze Runner, Book 3)	James Dashner
4.	We Were Liars *	E. Lockhart
5.	The Kill Order (Maze Runner, Prequel)	James Dashner
6.	Before I Fall	Lauren Oliver
7.	A Higher Call: An Incredible True Story of Combat & Chivalry in the War-Torn Skies of WWII	Adam Makos
8.	The Husband’s Secret	Liane Moriarty
9.	If He Had Been with Me *	Laura Nowlin
10.	Turnabout	Margaret Peterson Haddix

I know I should probably be reading something with a little more substance but I've really liked two of the young adult books I've read this year.  If He Had Been with Me probably wouldn't appeal to everyone but I enjoyed it and even considered reading it again.

Next I'd really like to read The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt which comes out on paperback this week.  Plus I have about 16 others on my FB BookTracker app as well as my Amazon wishlist.  It's been awesome that people have gifted me Barnes & Noble and Amazon gift cards lately.  It might be time to go back to the bookstore to stock up.