What to never ask

4 times, that's how many times I've been asked a variation of if I'm pregnant or not in the last week.  As if I haven't put enough stress on myself people have to go and add more. Here's the thing, no one comes out to ask those exact words so that they can't be blamed.  I know this because when I finally called out the fourth person in front of the first person neither of them recognized that they asked such an inappropriate question.  So can we please all just agree that any form of asking if someone is pregnant is bad form, off limits, should never be uttered.  Here are a few creative ways not to ask someone if they are pregnant.  

  • Is there something you want to tell us?  Seems innocent enough but you know what you mean and they definitely know what you mean.  So stop, just stop.
  • Do you feel pregnant?  No I feel like punching you in the face.  
  • Are you wearing maternity pants? What, no!  And now you're calling me fat so thank you for that double gut punch.  
  • Are you craving that because...?  I'm having a craving because I'm human.  Pregnant women aren't the only people who have cravings.
  • So why aren't you drinking?  Because it's none of your business.  But if you must know, I don't need to be a lush to prove I'm not pregnant. 
  • And lastly the tummy rub.  NEVER, NEVER, EVER reach for another woman's stomach to insinuate she might be pregnant unless she's given you permission.  First off I've never been one to understand strangers reaching for your stomach anyways but it's even more humiliating when you're not carrying a child.  

So rather than try to hint around asking someone if they're pregnant, just wait until they bring the subject up.  It's safer for you if you never ask these questions to another human being.  

P.S. All of the above have actually happened to me.  So yeah, that's not embarrassing at all.


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