I'm having a hard time this holiday season. Maybe because of the fact that two years is still looming in the back of my head. Maybe it's because of the fact that my cousin has lapped us twice in one year. Maybe it's because the holidays seem to be mostly centered around children or the various Christmas cards with babies on Santa's lap we've gotten over the last couple of weeks. Whatever it is, I've found it really hard to be thankful during Thanksgiving and am finding it even more hard to actually take in that Christmas is only 3 days away without crying.
The funny thing is my year has actually been pretty amazing for the most part. Until I realize that what's amazing in it is what's happened for all our friends and family and not us. Most days I'm happy and I know that things will get better. In whatever way they will. But today, today just reminds me that there's no guarantee of that.
Right now I'm supposed to be booking a hotel for a last minute night away Babe and I plan on taking next week. We're going from Vegas for a weekend to surprising my friend in Fresno who just had her baby. Who wouldn't love both of those things? Apparently me. Because I'm dreading what I have to get through to make it to the other side, 50+ people and 5 new babies. And the questions, the looks, the hums and haws that we're "trying but haven't had any luck". All I can think is thank God I can drink right now. Who knows, maybe I'll "accidentally" book a room in Vegas for earlier than planned.
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