Had ourselves a merry little Christmas

The last couple of weeks have been exceptionally hard for me as you could tell from my posts. I had let everything, even the most miniscule triggers get to me. So much so that I found myself on more than one occasion sobbing uncontrollably and alone. It was as though the last two years of tears and emotions had just been found and I was succumbing to them all at once.

It got so bad that I truly dreaded seeing my niece and nephews on Christmas eve and Christmas day. It made me feel awful to have such feelings when I love them so much. On top of it we had already made plans to see our godson and my friends and their newborn out of town. If I spent even want to be near our families why would being around our friends kids be any different.

Christmas eve rolled around and with it a half dozen infants celebrating their first Christmases.  What I was so worried about was quickly forgotten the moment I set eyes on my niece in her santa dress.  It reminded me how much love they bring to your life especially when you need it most.

Even today as I clean up my pictures and prepare them for our 2014 family year book I came across a silly little clip my oldest nephew made in secret on my phone Christmas day. I couldn't help playing it on repeat today.



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