Will it ever feel okay

What first started off as "when we have kids" and moved to "if we have kids" has now become "are we really ready". Babe said something similar last night on our way home.  This came after sitting across a dinner table from his brother and cousin's families.  

We've talked about it a lot in the last year, living child free that is.  When it was first brought up, during the last Valentine's day dinner it scared me.  But as time went on I learned to truly consider it as a possibility.  I can genuinely say that for the most part, it's easier to swallow than that first time.  Except it's still so frightening to me.  I'm nervous that when Babe says he'd be okay, he's far more comfortable with the idea than I ever will be.  That we are either of two separate mind sets with me waiting to catch up or that I never will.  

I know he wants kids.  I know that in my heart and soul.  But I also know as he, we, both get older and sleep and money become greater prized possessions, the idea of living a life free of larger responsibilities seems tempting.  I'm terrified about it though.


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