Thank you guys for all the love and support.  Things of course always turn out much different than you originally plan no matter how much you try.  Honestly I wouldn't have had it any other way.

Long story short: Our bean arrived after water breaking, 14 hours of labor and an epidural later at 6:01 pm Saturday night. 

Full version: Friday morning I was checked at my usual NST appointment to find that I was still at a -3 station (possibly -4) and only 1 cm dilated.  At that point, being 39w2d and GD they were concerned with her growth being too much to make it to a vaginal delivery before 40 weeks so they scheduled my induction for Monday morning.  

Saturday morning at about 4:30 am I woke to what was clearly not pee.  I calmly woke DH up so he didn't get too nervous and got the okay to shower and dress while he packed the car.  By 5:00 we were in L&D being checked out and admitted.  At that point I was still hoping to avoid pitocin but since I was still at -3 and and tight 2cm they were only going to give me a few hours to labor on my own.  I'm not sure at what point they came in and said that I would need to get my IV and pit line put in.  By then contractions were pretty mild and not really consistent.  

At 3:00 my pitocin was upped to an 8 and I had to use the restroom.  In the 2 minutes I was going pee I had 4 contractions without any break in between and knew that I wasn't going to last hours this way.  I was checked again at 4:30 with the baby at a +2 station and 7cm dialated so the epi was put in and other than only feeling it on one side, it caused major relief.  About an hour later DH stepped out to grab a bite in the waiting room and I started to feel her descend.  As soon as he came back the labor team checked again and said I was ready to start practicing my pushing.  You could tell the Dr. didn't think he'd be back anytime soon so he gave me a few tips and left me with my l&d nurse.  In about 20 minutes the Dr. was called back and two sets of pushes later LJ was born, all 6lbs 11 oz and 20 inches of her.  

DH who originally wanted to stay by my head saw the entire thing (even I got to see her head) and said he doesn't regret it at all.  The doctor held her up and we saw the goods, she was all girl!  DH cut the cord and we both got to do skin to skin which was super special.  She's got jet black hair everywhere, is calm as can be and still getting the hang of feeding without falling asleep.  The first two 2 nights we cluster fed but we are slowly getting her to latch longer and have more time between feeds.  She's beautiful and I can't believe we have a daughter.  I'm so in love.

I'm sitting up in bed at 2:30 on a Monday morning wondering how I became so lucky. In front of me is my gorgeous husband and my beautiful baby girl both sleeping peacefully.

A week ago Saturday our lives changed in ways I only dreamt about. Our daughter L came into our lives so perfectly I couldn't have planned it any better. Since then our days and nights are filled with dirty diaper changes, feedings, doctors appointments, eating whenever we can fit it in and late night shift changes.

I'm proud of the mother I'm striving to be and in awe of the father my husband inately is. Of course parenthood isn't without its challenges. For one, breastfeeding hasn't come easy for her or I. We're up to nursing every 3-4 hours as long as she stays awake. But nights like tonight we're back to every 2 hours. Sometimes it feels like we put her in a clean diaper only to be pooped on again within minutes. And then there's the long nights (even though there's only been 8 of them) that the crying for no apparent reason can go on for what feels like eternity.

But at the end of the day, this beautiful little Bean who stole our hearts is more than worth it. I've never been so instantly in love in all my life and am falling more in love with my husband every day she's alive. If ever there was a role in life for me, this was it. 💗

Dominican Dreamer

I'm trying to wrap my head around how to respond to a comment recently made to me.  Or if I do at all.  My husband and I were thrown a co-ed baby shower by my sister, my sister-in-law and my mom.  It was amazing and I loved every minute of it.  There were a few little things that stood out that I'm having a hard time knowing what to do about them.

The first was when my mom thanked everyone for coming to celebrate.  It was a sweet thank you followed by a prayer at which time her and her husband never mentioned E or I.  They said they were grateful for their new grandbaby and that of my father-in-law as well but nothing about us as parents.  This has been a theme throughout our pregnancy and at times it's really bothered me.  My mom constantly calls the baby hers or theirs, celebrates with her husband whenever I share a milestone of our little Bean and now this.  Although the speech/prayer in and of itself isn't really that big of a deal I don't know how much more to express that the baby I've carried for 9 months is a product of E and I only.

So then after we had eaten and my mom and I were mid conversation when her husband leaned over to whisper in my ear "your mom really wants to be in the delivery room".  :::blank stare:::  Not only was it awkward that it was brought up right in front of her and by him but literally mid-sentence.  What do I do with that information without offending her/them?  My answer has and will always be a resounding "NO" for many reasons.  Do I even have to address it though since it wasn't a request made directly by my mom?  And if so how much do I tell her?  No, because it's a special moment I want to share with E only.  No, because we've never been close enough to share that type of relationship and I would feel incredibly uncomfortable.  No, because you don't seem to understand that this is not your child but that you are grandma.

I feel as though he put me in such a weird position to define ourselves to them and I'm really at a loss.  I genuinely don't want to hurt her feelings so I plan to keep quiet for now but it's starting to cause me a lot of concern that it may come up in the hospital or at an even more awkward time.  Oy vey.